Today was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life. I blame you, Master S. [Miss E, even though you cannot say much other than "Bub", I will not hold you directly responsible, but you didn't help the situation any].
I just want to re-hash our day. [In all honesty, it's traumatizing, I am only re-hashing it, so that other readers can understand why I stood in my hallway nearly shredding my head bald, screeching in an irrational crazy person voice: "PLEASE KID, YOU ARE SENDING ME LOOPY"].
It started like any other. Except for some bizarre reason, Master S, you decided to wake me with no nappy on, therefore I was greeted by a bare butt to the face.
This is not why my day was the worst day of my life.
It's what happened after you both woke me. After I bathed the two of you. After your breakfast. During the remainder of the 200 degree heat day. It was watching Larry the
Miss E. glued to Larry the
I never minded Larry.
It was lovely to have half an hour of everyday in complete and utter silence, while you, my first born, were glue-eyed to the television.
It was lovely to see you develop an interest in something [something that wasn't "In the Night Garden" or "Yo Gabba Gabba"].
It was lovely... until Nana bought you those God-forsaken DVD's.
Now... now... I just want to rip Larry apart and toss him in a dump heap.
The constant demands of "La" in the morning, followed by an incredible tantrum if I refuse, followed by me giving in, followed by repeats of the same episodes [including "Larry's SuperDuper SuperCharger"] are driving me insane. Insane enough to want to smash the DVD into a million pieces as you both watch in horror. Okay, that's a little harsh & cruel sounding, and I wouldn't actually do it, but I am honestly sick of Larry. I am even DREAMING about Larry.
The sound of Jay Laga'aia's voice used to be enough to give me an 'ear'gasm. Now, I cringe just hearing his voice. Knowing that aside from my own, it's the only person I will hear speaking... all day long.
So leads me to today.
I am sick of Larry.
I am sick of watching it.
I am sick of the music.
I am sick of Rosie as she "giggles with glee".
She creeps me out.
She has a man's voice and a female's laugh?
It's not natural.
I HATE LARRY THE LAWNMOWER.
I HATE HIM, HATE HIM, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE HIM.!
I hate that half the time, you aren't even watching the DVD, but for some reason, it's still on, and neither of you will let me turn it off.!?
All I want, if you could be so kind, is half an hour of "Mummy telly time".
Even watching Judge Judy in the afternoon would be enough for me to maintain some mental stability. I will even read "Baby says 'Peek-a-Boo'" 60 times a day, if that's what you want.!?
Please, could you both just consider my offer, so we don't have another day like today?
Your slightly insane, Larry-hating, Mummy xo