Saturday, January 29, 2011

Captain FluffyBottom.

The name of this post has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this post.
In fact, I just thought of it when my 6 month old daughter [who is an MCN wearer] tipped over and revealed her incredibly fluffy bottom.
I have encountered a few things today that I do not like.
Therefore, I am going to post a blog about them.
This may, or may not, get bitchy.

  1. I hate washing dishes. It's not that I am lazy, but I just loathe the whole "dish washing" experience. The water getting murky. The odd utensil touching me, me not being able to see it, panicking that some sort of Jaws thing is living in my murky water filled sink. Sounds a little odd, but I imagine the Jaws music when I feel something touch me while washing dishes.
  2. I hate shaving my legs. What a chore. I don't even know why I am complaining about this since today was the first time I'd done it in months [oh yeah, furry is the new summer trend, didn't you know?]. Maybe I hate it because when I finally, do shave them, it takes ages because I have enough hair to make a toupee. Seriously, though, there's no point every week [or even more frequently] going through the annoying task of shaving my legs. The only person who can tell is me. Until some little kid points at the tattoo I have on my ankle and starts crying "Mummy, why does Tinkerbell have a BEARD!?". Pfft, whatever.
  3. I hate spiders. I hate that my husband is so paralyzingly afraid of them that I am the one who has to kill them. I hate that I had to kill one today. Even after me jumping on the bastard several times, it STILL didn't die. It had lasers on it's back and yelled "Yippee Kiyay MotherF**ker" at me. Believe me or not, I know what happened.
  4. I hate fat splatter. No, it isn't a pornographic film starring yours truly. It's what happens when you stupidly let go of the food you intend to fry, and it lands in the sizzling fry pan and hot fat splatters up your arm and burns you. I encountered this today. Intelligent? Yes. Are the blisters sexy? Yeah... no.
  5. Carpet. Sure, it's super in winter when you can curl up in front of the heater wrapped in a doona, but it's really quite a shit invention aside from that perk. It's a nightmare to clean stains off [with two grubs, I mean children, it's as if every second of my life is filled with "Oh, not on the carpet"] AND it constantly needs to be vacuumed which leads me to having a fight with my son who loves "helping" vacuum. By helping, I mean sitting on it while I try and manoeuvre around, or unplugging it and pressing the "cord retraction" button. I probably should be grateful he's not like his father who just lifts his feet so I can vacuum under him, which ALSO, pisses me off, but I just hate carpet, and carpet maintenance. I'd also like to kick whoever invented cream carpet, in the junk. He's probably sitting at home, giggling at the thought of mothers trying to maintain their light coloured carpet, but I just want to stab him, right in the eyeball.
Yeah, that's all I have right now. I'm still pissed off imagining some jerk laughing at me for having a shit time keeping my carpets clean. I may... [who am I kidding?] I definitely WILL add to this list at a later date. For now, I am curious to know... What pisses YOU off.!?

BWS tips button


  1. Great list! Love a good blog vent & that was entertaining!
    I also hate carpet for the same reasons as you've described (mine are cream too or...used to be!) - but unfortunately I hate my floorboards too - mainly because they cover such a vast expanse of my house that if I had any inclination to clean them it would take me over an hour because if you do one room you have to do them all. Ugh!
    Fat splatter shits me too - not just for the burn factor, but for the grease stains on your clothes that you forget about until you're folding the clothes after they've already been washed & see all the little marks there!
    I could take up your entire comments page with things that are shitting me at the moment so I'll stop there!

  2. LMAO! I love your list!

    Dishes should be banned in every country!!

  3. You are so freakin hilarious. My favorite quote, "furry is the new summer trend." Oh heck yeah!

  4. LMBO.. This is awesome!

    Dishes are evil and if they don't fit in my dishwasher, they are rinsed and lay in the sink until the next load is ready to go in.

    Also, laundry. I told my hubby I wish we could just live like Adam and Eve... ' grab a fig leaf off the tree baby... who needs a washing machine.

  5. I'm with you on the dishes. I absolutely HATE them. And I wish I didn't have carpet. A mop is so much easier than all that vacuuming.