Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 15 [A Fanfic]

I can safely say I have just Google-d what a "Fanfic" is. This entry is not going to be overly interesting because I still don't understand 100% what is expected of me for this blog entry. Obviously, there are people... or as far as I am concerned, weirdo's, who quite enjoy writing their own versions of things that have been written by other people. I don't see this as being creative. If people have the time to waste on stealing and re-writing other people's ideas to show how "creative" they can be, why can they just not come up with their own idea's or storylines, period.!?
    I have browsed some people's versions of their favourite texts. I must admit I did giggle at this one, not because it's funny, but because it's lame and someone took the time to write it and post it on the Internet.
It is a Twilight Fanfiction, written by someone named "Belts", whom I imagine aims to be "Anti-Twihard" yet has every book in the series tucked safely under their pillow, where they read it and sob at night without anyone else's knowledge. Here we go. Excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. This is a direct copy & paste job, as I didn't want to tarnish the lame-ness by correcting such errors. It is simply titled, "Seducing Edward".

"...Edward was out grocery shopping.
It had been a pleasant day for him – he'd spent the morning with his family and his beloved Bella, they had played a pleasant game of baseball around lunch, and then he had gone to Bella's house for the afternoon, while his family was out hunting.
However, while Bella was preparing dinner for Charlie, Edward had popped out to the shops to buy some groceries for when his family returned from hunting.
His arms laden with shopping bags, Edward stopped by his own house to drop the groceries off in his room, before he would head back to Bella's.
Struggling with the bags, Edward nudged the door of his own bedroom open with his foot and sidled through.
"Hello, Edward," purred a sultry voice from his bed.
Edward dropped the groceries in shock. He heard a few glass jars break and saw something nasty leaking across the floor, but he ignored that. He looked up towards his bed, and his jaw dropped.
Lying scantily clad on his king-sized bed, holding a belt, was Bella Swan.
"Bella! W-what are you doing here?" Edward stuttered, blushing. "I thought you were at Charlie's."
"Plans change," Bella said seductively.
Edward mopped his sweaty brow and fidgeted uncomfortably by the door.
"Bella, what happened to the majority of your clothes?" he asked nervously.
Bella just smiled maniacally and got off the bed, advancing towards Edward, who was subtly trying to back away.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" she said.
"Bella, what is wrong with you?" Edward whispered, eyeing the door, obviously planning on making a run for it. "This isn't like you."
"Oh Edward," Bella sighed, rolling her eyes. "You know I love you, right?"
"I love you more," Edward instinctively teased back.
"Well, what do couples do when they love each other, so much so, they want to spend eternity with one another?"
Edward studied her face, trying to figure out her next move.
"Now is it just me, or is it getting cold in here?" Bella winked.
"Bella, I'm not ready."
Bella sighed. "You do know this is your fault, right?"
Edward's expression changed from fear to bewilderment. "How so?"
"Remember that day when you beckoned me over to your table and said, 'Why don't you sit with me today?'"
Edward nodded slowly, still confused.
"Well that turned me on, very much so, and I haven't been able to turn off ever since."
Edward gasped.
"Oh yeah, that's right. You should be gasping. In fact, in a little while, you'll be doing more than just that!" Bella growled. She looped the belt around Edward's neck, drawing him to her.
"Bella, NO!" Edward said forcefully, but his voice was still little more than a strained sob. "When I say no, that means STOP, Bella! I'm not ready for this! Please don't …"
Bella just grinned seductively and tossed Edward onto the bed like he was a rag doll.
Edward curled up into the foetal position, clutching his knees to his chest.
"Bella, how did you get so strong?" Edward whimpered.
Bella replied by ripping off his shirt. Edward let out a strangled sob, as a single tear rolled down his porcelain cheek.
"Bella," he whispered. "You're violating me. Please … just stop." The tears were becoming thicker.
"Your weak little cries make me want to …" Bella trailed off, smiling. She raised the belt, preparing.
"OH THIRTEEN GODS, BELLA NO!" Edward screamed.
Then there was a loud crack. It left a mark on Edward's cold, hard marble skin. Surprisingly, he felt pleasure, but he fought it. Then, with sudden strength he rolled Bella over, and he was on top of her.
"Oh, Edward!" Bella smiled.
"NOW, LISTEN BELLA! I am NOT ready! It's not my thing, okay? Please just let it be!" Fear was causing tears to well up in Edward's topaz eyes.
"Oh, but it's MY thing, Edward," Bella retorted, winking again, obviously thinking it was seductive.
Edward closed his eyes and sighed. His veins were sticking out, impossibly.
"Oh, hush," whispered Bella.
Edward's eyes flickered open. They were face to face. Mouth to mouth. Despite the fact that he was curled up in the foetal position, with tears rolling down his cheeks, despite the fact that he knew how horrible she was turning out to be, he felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her. He closed his eyes again, and rolled onto his front. He couldn't control it anymore.
Gasps filled the air, interrupted by ripping noises, and a moan broke out between the gasps. Edward was sobbing. He was sobbing so loudly that he didn't care what Bella would think, he was just letting it go.
"Edward, what is it?" Bella asked him concernedly, wiping the tears from his marble cheeks. "Edward, talk to me. Please stop sobbing."
But Edward was out of control. He wailed loudly, clutching his bare chest and rocking back and forth.
"Edward, SHUT UP!" Bella roared. "YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME! YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO BE WITH ME!"
Edward looked up at Bella with splotchy skin and a runny nose. "You're not the Bella I know," he whispered. "Bella would never do this. You've changed."
All of a sudden, Bella started shaking.
"NO!" Bella screamed.
Edward lunged at her, trying to save her from whatever was attacking her.
"BELLA!" Edward shook her. "BELLA, SPEAK TO ME!"
Bella tried to calm herself, but she continued to shake uncontrollably. Then it happened.
The door to the room creaked open. Bella fell off the bed, contorting and writhing. Edward knew that whatever was causing Bella pain was behind that door. He reluctantly left Bella's side and in a flash, he had pulled open the door and grabbed someone by the shirt. He was face to face with …
"Bella?" Edward blinked in surprise.
Bella had a stunned expression on her face. "Yeah, Edward," she said slowly. "What's up?
He didn't reply. He turned around and found that a large something had replaced the Bella writhing on the floor. A growl escaped its throat.
"Um, Jacob? What are you doing in Edward's room, next to Edward's bed?" Bella asked. She wheeled around to Edward.
"Edward?" she asked thoughtfully.
"Yeah?"
"Why EXACTLY is Jacob lying next to your bed?"
Edward looked at the werewolf, the werewolf that had once been Bella, and screamed. He clung to the real Bella and ran from the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Edward, what the puck?" said Bella.
"I don't know, Bella," said Edward. "Jacob morphed himself to look like you, and then he tried to rape me!"
Bella let out a shocked gasp. "Did you let him?" she asked, looking at Edward's bare torso and dreading the answer.
"Of course not," said Edward proudly. "I love you, Bella, and I could never mistake anyone else for you."
Bella smiled.
Just then, the door to Edward's room opened, and a naked Jacob walked out.
"Er, hi guys …" he said awkwardly.
Bella glared at him. Furiously, she charged at Jacob and punched every inch of him, apart from … well anyway she was screaming.
"You stupid, gay, poofter, WEREWOLF! How dare you try to pucking seduce Edward? I HATE YOU! I always will! ARGH!"
Edward smiled and poked his tongue out at Jacob. He then proceeded to laugh.
"I can't believe you love me, Jacob!"
"I don't love you," Jacob hung his head in shame. "I just think you're mildly attractive."
Edward and Bella collapsed on the floor in laughter.
"Um, Jacob, one more thing … How did you turn into me?"
"I can change into other things too! Jeez, Bella! If I've been around someone enough, I can be them, or at least look like them."
"But I thought you loved me?" Bella asked, confused.
"I do, with everything I have! I just think Edward's HOT, okay? You two are one good-looking couple!"
There was a soft knock on the wall and Alice pranced past. She stopped.
"Oh, I had predicted this, I just thought my mind was playing tricks."
"WHAT?" Edward screamed.
"Before you yell at me, can Jacob please leave? I find it difficult to NOT look down."
Jacob looked annoyed and stormed off.
Edward, Bella and Alice were all suddenly on the floor, overcome with laughter.
That is the story, my dear children, of Jacob wanting Edward sexually..."

I apologise to anyone who, like myself, found this completely stupid. There needs to be a law against some people's use of the Internet. Having said that, "Belts" officially got his/her five minutes of fame by being on my Blog. That's going to be about the highlight of his/her writing career, I am afraid.

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