Saturday, January 22, 2011

Ha.

I searched gaming addictions on Google. I stumbled across this and had to laugh. Not at the Asker, because I can understand her suffering, but the person who Answered. I will let you read it, then explain why I laughed:

How do I cope with my boyfriend and his World of Warcraft addiction????

he spends no time with me and the kids anymore.......he stays up all night playing.....we don't even do the deed because he is playing all the time........I offer him the deed and he chooses the game!!!!!!!! he sets his alarm to get up and play the game but doesn't set his alarm for anything else????

Best Answer

I too play WoW. My husband also plays. In fact, in one hour I get off work and will go home, have dinner, take a shower and sit with a glass of wine and play for a couple hours. The game is actually very fun and we have a blast playing together.
We do not have kids, so our issue is much different than yours. I would sit your husband down (no kids around) and explain that his playing is consuming his life and ruining yours. Explain that you want your husband back. See if the two of you can plan out times when he can play the game. Say you two come home from work (assuming you work), you have family dinner, get kids to bed, spend an hour or so together, than he can have one-two hours of playtime. On the weekends let him play for maybe 3 hours a day, but only when kids are in bed.
WoW is a subscription based game. If you have control of the bank/credit account paying for the game, let him know you will quickly cancel all accounts if he continues to ignore his family.
If this does not work I would seek out extensive marital therapy because there seems to be a larger issue brewing.

  • I want to cut to the end of her answer; "If this does not work I would seek out extensive marital therapy because there seems to be a larger issue brewing". What a wonderful suggestion, and in no way am I disrespecting the power of marital counselling, but in my experience I have found that my husband doesn't even think there IS an issue. He won't even log off for one night to watch a film with me [and if he does he makes me feel so guilty about it by sitting there miserable, to the point I tell him to play the game, as I don't want to tell him to spend time with me. I want him to want to spend time with me. Something he has said he cannot do] so getting him out of the house for counselling is a big fat laugh.

  • "WoW is a subscription based game. If you have control of the bank/credit account paying for the game, let him know you will quickly cancel all accounts if he continues to ignore his family". My husband and I do not share a bank account. We share the bills, we share the shopping, we share the cooking, we share the cleaning & care of the kids [when he's home, otherwise I am the primary doer of these things], but we do not, and never have shared a bank account. This was a mutual decision, as I do not trust myself with all our money [not because I am a gambler or anything, I am a self confessed impulse buyer, haha]. There is no possible way for me to stop him buying his game cards. There was once he was without a game card for just over 24 hours because he hadn't been paid due to the previous day being a public holiday. I ended up buying his game card because he was moody, kept complaining, and was acting as if he had nothing to do. Just to keep him happy, because the time he was spending with me was not the happy "us" time I craved, I bought the game card. He actually, gave me a cuddle and told me he loved me. The only time he shows affection, was because I bought his game card!? I do not know his passwords for his computer, or his World of Warcraft account. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't stoop as low as to delete them on him, and I have told him this, but he still refuses to trust me with these passwords. I know the passwords to every other account he has, just not World of Warcraft.

  • "We do not have kids, so our issue is much different than yours. I would sit your husband down (no kids around) and explain that his playing is consuming his life and ruining yours. Explain that you want your husband back. See if the two of you can plan out times when he can play the game. Say you two come home from work (assuming you work), you have family dinner, get kids to bed, spend an hour or so together, than he can have one-two hours of playtime. On the weekends let him play for maybe 3 hours a day, but only when kids are in bed". What a wonderful idea. Why hadn't I thought of that!? Oh wait, I had and for a while, it worked. Tuesday nights, the night WoW went down for maintenance, the kids were in bed it was "date night". We'd watch a movie, talk, YouTube hilarious videos and have a laugh together, just cuddle, listen to music, he'd play guitar next to me while I read, we were NORMAL for a night. Why did it stop!? WoW stopped going down for maintenance. If it didn't go down, he didn't have to spend time with me, according to him. If WoW does go down, I have to wait until it's down to have his attention. Due to the time difference in America, I have been known to have to wait to spend time with him until midnight. Midnight? With two kids to chase after during the day, housework, and the rest, I physically CANNOT stay up until midnight and watch a film, or give our relationship the much needed and craved for attention. I have time and again told him that I am lonely, this has been met by numerous responses, "Talk to your Mum, or your friends if you are lonely", "I'm anti-social, you know that", "I like to come home from work, spend time with the kids, then have some ME time when they are asleep", and my all-time favourite, "We don't do anything worth talking about, seriously, tell me what we can talk about?" That last one gets me every time. I can't respond to him because he's right. We don't have anything to talk about so I ask him about his day "It was work, I do the same thing everyday, why do you ask me about my day knowing nothing is new?" I ask him if he wants to hear about my day, which is also met by the same response. On his days off I suggest going out and doing things, just the four of us, go to the park, go to lunch, go to the swimming pool. We've been to the park twice as a family, we buy lunch as a treat, take it home and eat it, and as for swimming, surprise, surprise, he hates the pool. It's not just my marriage that is suffering, I feel the kids' relationship with him is suffering. They get so excited to spend minimal time with him before bed. I don't blame them, I would give anything to have that time with him, but realistically, they deserve more time with him than they get. I would give anything for him to speak to me, about anything. There has been many a time where I have asked him to do something, he's responded with "okay" or "yes" then, after an hour or so I ask him why he hasn't done what he said he'd do, only to be met with "I didn't hear you ask that". Okay, I did ask you that, why agree if you didn't hear me. "Oh, I just answer you with what I think you want to hear so you'll leave me alone. I don't actually listen to you". I have even written him letters, since he doesn't listen to me. I have packed up the kids and left, and he doesn't listen to me. I just want to hear him say [or SHOW] that he appreciates what I do, and loves me, so that other than having his children, I have a reason for ME to stay with him, too.

I know you are probably thinking at this point, that anyone who is like this isn't worth sticking around for, and at the end of the day I don't know what keeps me here. I have gone as far as considering playing World of Warcraft, just so I can spend time with him, but I do not want to do that. I have no personal interest in it, and it would be a waste of money, just so he could time a few words to me via a game, and even then, it wouldn't help our relationship, because we still wouldn't be talking. I could be a single mother of two, I am home all day with them alone, and when my husband does get home, he'll often log on to the game, or he'll sit down, dead tired, dozing off to sleep, before getting up and playing the game. I know I could do it alone. I am not getting the attention I expect from a relationship, so I am not staying here because I am scared of being alone. After all, I am more alone than I have ever been, really. I don't know why I am here. I feel stupid that I have been in a relationship with him for 3 years, and in October we moved in together as a family, and out of my parents' place, and after 3 months, I am already questioning what the hell I have done. He wanted so much as I did to have a place of our own, we've lived together for years, but we wanted to know how we'd go living together alone, I don't understand how he's gone from that to ignoring me. He played the game before we moved out, with my younger brother, but it never bothered me as much as it does now, because he wasn't as obsessed as he is now.


I appreciate anyone offering advice, or even sending their support my way. It's lovely to know someone listens, and can relate to this. I am going to talk to him the moment he gets home, before he logs onto World of Warcraft. He owes me at least 20 minutes of his time. Here's hoping my determination/new found balls can stick around for another 2 hours, so that when he gets home I can demand his attention.

2 comments:

  1. I don't really have any advice, but I hope it at least helps t know that your post has touched me. I don't play games, but I am slightly addicted to the internet and this is probably how my husband feels when he comes home at night. I am a very introverted person and all day of talking, playing and running after kids leaves me pretty flat. At night i can't find the energy to talk anymore,all I want is to be left alone with with my computer. And it's not the right thing for our relationship. Thank you for the window into the world of the other side...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry this is happening to you... I think he needs a serious wake-up call... you deserve so much more than that from him...

    ReplyDelete