Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Guy I Married.

Out of sheer boredom,
[and to make up for the fact the only real pieces of information I have shared about Mr. M are that he is a Dad who is addicted to World of Warcraft and was a fuggo baby]
I am going to post about my husband.
Just to give you an insight as why a total babe like me is with him, and all.

Mr. M and I have been stuck together married for nearly three years.
and I have decided to properly introduce my husband to you all,
by adding 10 random facts about him.

1. Mr. M had a very long goatee when I met him. It made him look like the kind of man who'd mug old ladies on Pension Day, and he said to me "I will never shave my goatee for anyone..."

He lied.

2. He is quite tall. I am 167cm short. He is 186cm tall. As you can see from the above photo, he towers over me. Whenever Mr. M enters a room, he hunches over. This takes a few centimeters off his height. I have asked him why he does it. He was unaware he did, but I think it has something to do with the fact he's smacked his head on a few roof fixtures in his time, and he is aware his sheer size would be intimidating on first glance so his "hunch" is his way of saying "I come in peace..." subconsciously.

3. He can do hand farts. Apparently, this is something to be proud of. He has tried to teach me how to do it, but all I can manage is something that sounds like a queef [a nicer term for a fanny fart]. He's decided Master S is probably going to pick up this ability quicker than I, so he has already started teaching him how to do it.

4. He spray painted [yes, with a spray can!] his white Commodore black, because he was bored. Before our wedding, he spray painted it white again. He has since got it professionally sprayed black and it has been that way since a week before Master S was born. He gets bored incredibly easy, and it's amazing he has managed to keep the same car, let alone the same wife, so long as he gets tired of things pretty quickly.

5. He is a pretty private person. I am sure he wants to read this after it's posted because he likes to be mysterious. Or he's probably just scared of what I am going to share with you all. He is so private, that he actually proposed to me in his car. Yes, it was raining outside, but I suspect even if it wasn't, he wouldn't have got down on one knee, anyway.

6. He has 6 tattoos. We have made an agreement that when we have been together for ten years, only then will we tattoo each other's names to our body [otherwise, to avoid awkwardness he'll be stuck dating Tara's for the rest of his life!]. He has told me that he will be putting my name on his arm under the dragon tattoo he has. I want to believe he is joking, but somehow I am not confident.

7. He introduced me to the "Rusty Hook" & the "Dirty Sanchez".
[A rusty hook is where you wipe your finger up your bum crack and stick it in someone's mouth from behind while they are talking, and have no means to defend themselves, thus resulting in a mouth that tastes like crack. A dirty sanchez is where you wipe your finger under your sweaty armpit then wipe it under someone's nose, like a moustache of sweat].

8. He is a giant softie. He could be easily taken advantage of by how generous he is. He's the kind of guy who could be sick, but if he see's someone broken down on the side of the road will get out and help them push their car. We have been shopping, and he has been known to help people reach things off the top shelves, or help them find what they are looking for.

9. He likes heavy metal music that has rude words and lots of screaming.
I don't, and probably never will, understand why.

and last but not least,

10. I once timed him eating a cheeseburger. It took him .19 seconds to consume the whole thing. This disappointed him, as he used to be quicker. He also once ordered what can only be described as a "heart attack in a wrapper" from McDonalds. It had four meat patties [or "man" patties, as he calls them] and four slices of cheese. He ate it, then consumed my nuggets after I was nearly ill watching him eat the burger.

So, there you have it.
10 random facts about Mr. M.
That's him in a nutshell.
As you can see, life is certainly "colourful" with him around.

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