Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I wanted it all.

Let me just say that this blog post is in no way intended to offend anyone and should you take offense at all, I apologize now.

I had big plans for my 21st birthday.
I had thought about it for many years, but what I wanted more than anything was a hysterectomy.
My Mum was naturally appalled by the idea and wouldn't allow me to have one for my 18th, like I originally wanted. She told me should I not want children, either don't have sex, or use protection. If I still felt the same way by the age of 21, then it was up to me to organize my own brutalizing of women bits.

When I was 19 years old, I met a man who is now the Hubby. He and I talked about the future, me making it perfectly clear that offspring was a no-no, and him making it known he had desires for two children - a boy and a girl. He was obviously disheartened to know my goals for our future were different to his own, but as long as we were together all was okay.

Fast forward a few years and obviously things changed. I did use preventative methods, but Fate had other ideas.

When I was pregnant, I fretted that I would not be a good mother. I wanted to return to work. I could not see myself being the stay at home mother who bakes and always has a cuddle ready. That was not me.

Despite being heavily pregnant and loving my unborn son, I wanted a career. I wanted money. I wanted to be the woman everyone envied because I had it all.

For my 21st birthday, I did not have a hysterectomy. I spent the day urging my unborn son to be born. And he was, 6 days later.

I didn't return to work.
I am not rolling in money.
I haven't even thought about having a hysterectomy.
I do bake.
I do cuddle.

Some women are born career women.
Some women are born mothers.

I don't know which one I am.

I wanted it all.
I wanted to be envied for having it all.

And, do you know what, I do have it all.
Well, I believe so.
And that's all that matters.

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