Saturday, February 4, 2012

Spreading his wings.

On Friday, we had a meeting with Master S' kindergarten teacher.
We organized the meeting in December at his orientation day, as we had a lot to discuss about the best way to handle a day with Master S.

The Teacher, who will possibly be blogged about a fair bit as she's going to be an integral part in Master S' education for the next two years, will hereby be known as 'Mrs. M'.

Mrs M was my younger sister Duckie's Kindegarten teacher. Duckie is almost ten. Needless to say, Mrs. M knows a thing or two about children. But she doesn't know my child, hence our meeting.

A lot of my concerns only 8 or so weeks ago, he seems to have grown out of, and my little man has matured a great deal in such a short time.

This is good.

And bad.

During our interview with Mrs M. Master S was left alone to play with his other teacher, Mrs. D. Our normally shy, not so social boy, was immediately taken with her and struck up a conversation (or the best he can muster) as if he'd known her for years.

This is good.

And bad.

Because it was at that exact moment, I felt rejected. Actually, that's when the minor pangs of rejection set in. It's been the full blown 'Kicker (Kinder) now! Mrs. M!' requests ever since our meeting, that have knocked my socks off and left me, dare I admit it, sooking like a school girl in private.

I'm a Mum.
Ask me what I do for a living and I'm a full time Mum.
Yes, I have another job that brings home an income, and drags me away from my family a few hours a week, but my career, my expertise, lies in the raising of my children. It's what I love, it's what I do, best. Well, I think so.

I always freaked out at the thought of preparing another human being (and now I have three!) for society. Although it's only Kindergarten, the next two years, will be the true test of what I've achieved in the last three years.

This is the beginning of the end.
Where he will grow, learn, build friendships without me, by his side every step of the way, as I have been until now.

This is the stage of his life, where, with someone else's guidance, as well as my own, he'll make friends, learn, grow, and although Mrs. M and I are now a 'team' thrown together by one little boy, I feel rejected.

I just know he'll listen to her before me.
I just know that she'll be the one he's excited to see, and I'll just be 'Mum'. The one he can't wait to leave.

I've never had a problem with being just Mum.
But, after three years, he's taking these big, life changing steps. Steps I've made before him. And it's me who's afraid of what lay ahead, not him, the one whose journey we are on.

Don't ask me if I'm afraid for him, or for me, because to be afraid for him means I'm doubting my abilities as a mother, and whether I feel confident that I've best prepared him for these steps in his life. But to be afraid for me, makes me feel selfish.

I've heard it said so many times before that time flies by, and to cherish every moment, but when the time is flying, and the kids are spreading their wings, I'm stuck in the nest wondering what will become of me in the end. When they're gone.


I plan on sharing his first day of Kinder with you, and as much as I want him to cry and miss me, and love me most.
The least selfish side of me, hopes he has fun, makes friends and shows everyone how wonderful I know he can be.
Aside from waiting until after I've left him before bawling my eyes out, does anyone else have any other useful advice on how to get through the first day of Kindergarten?

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