I've been blogging for some time now. I think it's been almost two years, and at first, it was for all to see.
Then I thought about my privacy settings as I got more followers, and decided I would keep my children & husband's names anonymous, because hey, this is my blog. They never signed up for the publicity, I did.
I never gave more thought to how much I still shared online because I knew my followers based on their profiles - and in most cases - their blogs, Twitter accounts & Facebook pages. I follow their lives, their children's lives, without a doubt about whether they are sharing too much or too little. I observe their photos, their stories, with that of which you'd observe a friend's or family's.
I know what they want me to know. I see what they want me to see, and that is fine and dandy. I thought it was fine and dandy for me.
I have a private Facebook page, because I don't want my photos, videos or statuses viewed by strangers, yet now that I've pondered this, I'm defeating the purpose by blogging.
I searched my own name on Google and was both amazed and horrified by just what I was sharing with the world. Photo's of my children, at all ages, some of which I wouldn't even dream of showing people I know, out there in Cyberspace to be seen & stolen by whomever pleases.
It amazed me because I assumed I knew all about online privacy & protection, yet horrified me because I clearly know jack shit.
I blindly trust my followers, those I know, in our little bubble of online love, but as I've mentioned in a prior post, I don't know who else reads this blog. I know there are family members of mine in my online community. Family members I don't wish to see or know anything about my children. Family members I am sure have found my blog, as easily as I have found their's.
I don't know if the people who found me using inappropriate Google searches, are actual creeps who lurk and ogle the life I share online or whether it is just people like me searching hilarious things and stumbling across this space by accident.
I have always believed, with the exception of some dark points in my life, that I am an excellent Mum. Protecting my children from the dangers of the world... But have I been dumping them in danger all along by being here? Posting what I do? Am I putting their safety at risk by sharing too much?
I don't have the heart to stop blogging. To tear down the blog that I believe saved me. That connected me with these wonderful women (and men) who blog about their lives, their highs, their lows and made me realize, I am okay. I'm not crazy, or bad, or alone.
For now, I cannot share anymore images than I have. As proud as I am of my beautiful family, I cannot share anymore photos on my blog.
For now, I don't know where I'm going or whether I want to keep going. I can only hope I am making the right choice. Only time will tell.