Friday, May 20, 2011

Kissing in Front of Children.

This blog post was inspired by a discussion I had with some fellow Mummy's.
It is entirely my opinion, and I in no way mean any offence by it.
If you disagree, and the odds are, you will, feel free to share your view and your reasons behind your view.

My children watch "In the Night Garden".
I personally, don't get the show.
The only thing I have paid attention to is how Iggle Piggle is quite disobedient at bedtime,
[Master S is learning this behaviour]
and he & Upsy Daisy kiss on the lips.
A lot.

They don't "pash", it's just a simple peck on the lips.
I was quite taken aback by this, but soon got over it.
Until they kept doing it.
Several times an episode.

It led me to wonder whether this is appropriate for my children to watch.
I have already made my decision that HillTop Hospital is forever banned in The Happy House due to the sexual innuendo, and although kissing on the lips isn't as bad as the innuendo, I am unsure of whether to ban In The Night Garden.
I don't want to, as they enjoy it, and it helps keep them occupied while I prepare dinner.
But Master S already picks up things from the show [i.e. the disobedience at bedtime].

Anyway, all of this leads to my actual point, but in order to get there I need to stop fart arsing around.

I am a firm believer of showing my children affection.
Cuddling, and kisses on the cheek, forehead or nose,
are all ways in which I am openly affectionate with my Kidlets.

I do not agree that kissing a child on the lips is such a good idea.
Hear me out before you all criticize my ways of thinking.
I like to be aware of what my children are learning and from where.
Seeing the kissing on In the Night Garden, makes me worry that Master S & Miss E will pick this up.
This could result in some awkward kissing of each other.
In my view, and this is MY view,
kissing a child on the lips is a little inappropriate.
Kissing on the lips, to me, is quite an intimate gesture.
Something I would not feel comfortable doing to my children.

If something were to happen to my child of an innopropriate nature,
their behaviour and actions will be a key indicator that something is way off.
For example, if they started kissing people, or trying to kiss people on the lips,
something they have never done, I would be wary, and hopefully able to pick up on this behaviour,
and find the source behind it.

I do believe that children need to see some sort of affectionate behaviour from their parents towards one another however,
nothing explicit or anything that should be reserved for the bedroom,
but some sort of affection is a must.
I also, believe that a witnessed kiss every now and again is important too,
so they can see that kissing on the lips isn't wrong, but it's for grown-ups who love each other.

Having said that, Hubby & I do not kiss, hug, or hold hands in front of our children.
[Unless we are going for a walk, or crossing the road with the kids].
In fact, we've never been big on public displays of affection anywhere,
even before we had children.

I was asked yesterday, after discussing my views on affection in front of children,
"How do you show your children that Mummy & Daddy love each other if there is no loving gestures?"
I pondered this, and although to anyone reading this, we may sound stiff and stale,
we do a lot of things that show our children we love each other.
We don't hold hands, but randomly several times through the day, always before work, and before bed, we will always say "I love you" to one another.
We don't hold hands, but we play games with our children together,
and have been known to play "stacks on Daddy", thus resulting in a group hug.
We don't hug one another, but Hubby will occasionally drape an arm over my shoulders.
We laugh together, a lot.

We talk to each other about our children,
about our days,
while we are playing with the kids,
or at dinner time's, on days where Hubby is home for dinner.

They feel that love, that bond we share, that friendship.
We show affection and appreciation of one another with laughter,
and "I love you"s rather than openly hugging and kissing.

How do I know my kids feel the love?
Because when they see us joking around together,
spending time with them together,
they light up.
They join in on our laughter.
If they didn't feel love,
 it wouldn't make them as happy as it does to have us be that way in front of them.

I'd love to know: Are you affectionate with your partner in front of your children? And out of curiosity, do you kiss your children on the lips? Why/why not?



  1. I am not quite certain that you were clear . . . this is just your opinion!;) Bwhaha sorry, I had to tease.

    Hum, good question. I don't go out of my way to kiss my kids on the lips but I don't go out of my way to avoid it. At the moment my Little Miss is right into laying big smackers on my lips and that is fine with me.

    I do kiss my hubby on the lips in front of them . . . little smooches, no gnashing of the lips and tongues as that is for the bedroom. We also hug and hold hands every once in a while. We are also big fans of the family hug which includes all of us squeesing the living daylights out of each other.

    Honestly, it is whatever works for you family. You guys are happy and that is all that matters.

    As for In the Night Garden, that is banned at our house but only because I find it so annoying.

  2. My wife and I kiss and hug in front of the kids. Our kids kiss us on our lips, it's not a big deal to us.

    I can see it from your perspective and see the concern with that the kids may think kissing on the lips of strangers might be okay. However, it is up to us to discuss the appropriateness of behavior of strangers and really anyone that is not Mommy and Daddy.

    In no way am I disagreeing with you nor do I think you are wrong in your way of handling this. To each your own when it comes to parenting. Everyone is different. Everyone had different experiences growing up that has influenced the way we parent our own kids.

    My parents didn't show a lot of emotion outside of hostility, so maybe I'm trying to overcompensate with love and affection. Only time will tell.

    One thing is for sure, regardless of how much we try to be the best parents for our children, they're going to grow up to tell us we did it wrong.

    Great post and conversation!

  3. I thought I'd go overtime on the fact I mentioned it is my opinion. Just so there's no misunderstanding that it's my next door neighbour's opinion. Haha :) :)

    Thank you both for your comments!
    It's nice to get perspective on it from other people, particularly those who do things differently :)